Someone deserves a swift kick in the nadgers. Here`s an e-mail I recently received:
Hi, my name is Richard Weinstein and I represent Domain Brand Protection.
I have reserved headstagger.com for you.
You may be interested in headstagger.com because you own headstaggers.com
You can place your order for headstagger.com for a one time fee of $19 here:
<<a shitty hyperlink>>
Your order will include one year of complimentary registration.
You can forward headstagger.com to headstaggers.com if you want at no cost.
You will obtain headstagger.com IMMEDIATELY after completing the
purchase form.
Again, this is a ONE TIME fee to acquire the domain.
Domain Brand Protection will never charge you again for headstagger.com
after your purchase.
To see transfer information for headstagger.com please visit:
<<a shitty hyperlink>>
Thank you for your business
Domain Brand Protection
Address: 1128 Royal Palm Beach Blvd, Suite 243, Royal Palm Beach,
Florida 33411, USA
Phone: (561) 247-0874
Email: <<a shitty e-mail address>>
Website: <<another shitty hyperlink>>
To stop receiving future emails from Domain Brand Protection, please click:
<<a really shitty hyperlink>>
You may also contact us via postal mail at 1128 Royal Palm Beach Blvd,
Suite 243, Royal Palm Beach, Florida 33411.
It may take up to twelve days for your notice to take effect.
Well, Richard Weinstein of Domain Brand Protection, I represent Sod Off Plc and I believe you have in infringed my domain brand, you stupid cock.
Please go and screw yourself with $19 worth of pebbles collected from Morecambe Bay, and do not bother heading to that nice chippy near Albert Road. There is only one headstaggers, and with its 10s of views per day, your awful little headstagger.com will never win in the Internet traffic race.
It may take up to twelve days for my notice to take effect, but my blog post took under 3 minutes to cobble together. Therefore I win. You don`t.
My sister and I are big fans of They Might Be Giants. I`ve been a fan since I was probably 12 or 13 years old, which is a long, long time. When I asked her if she fancied the “Here Come…” CDs for Christmas, she said they`d be too childish. I`d heard a few of the songs online, and thought they were damn fine, so went ahead and found Here Come The 123s, Here Come The ABCs, and Here Comes Science in the dual CD / DVD combo and packed them neatly away. When I say “neat”, I mean “wrapped up like a fish supper”.
On Christmas day, she put on the 123s DVD for the kids, and they were mesmerised. So was I. So I had to go and get them for myself. Wonderful music, wonderful videos, and a little bit of education for the younger viewers.
On Tuesday night, I put on Here Come The 123s whilst the better half did a crossword. “Oh, I`ll not be listening, I`ll be doing the crossword”, said she. 5 minutes in and she was glued to the screen.
Long may TMBG reign supreme in their very odd, colourful side of music.
Recently, the BBC`s bastion of social commentary, EastEnders spawned a sidekick show in the form of EastEnders E20, and thank Christ the programme is only available online or via the red button interactive thingie.
The premise is thus: take a bunch of new characters, introduced during 2 episodes of the regular show, and spice it up for da kidz. Add a dribble of Drummond Bass soundtrack, including a bloody awful remix of the EastEnders intro music, and top off with lots of bad lighting. To shit things up (I think that`s what the kids say), show a bit of ugly character skin. Recipe for a televised bollock.
If you`re old enough to remember the Ricky and Bianca spin off, it`s much the same. An even shitter Hollyoaks, with a splash of regular DeadEnders characters. One thing I`ve noticed about DeadEnders over the years, being a techie, are the awful shite websites they slip into storylines. The worst part of this is that webbies have been employed to actually build some of these bloody sites. Classics include:
www.godlypodly.co.uk – a sick, kickin`, wicked, nang website making Jesus street, innit. Word. What a bag of arsebudgies.
www.search-wise.net – the search engine of choice when anyone on the show does a bit of laptopping. This is the 555- search engine, cleared for use on TV or films. Wish I`d thought of this. The owl sucks though.
www.rudemasood.co.uk – Tamwar Masood`s “hilarious website” in which he parodies regulars of Da Square, innit.
Having watched a good 15 minutes of EastEnders E20 (AKA EE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE), I`m confused to hell. Mainly due to the crap acting, street-speek, and constant music. “Da fair maiden cud be a buff ting”, proclaims one of the characters, “Failsafe Fatboy”. This show is one for da nang subtitlez innit. Another character is going through the overplayed teenage pregnancy scare story. The most scary thing about this character is her massive mane of ginger hair, turning her into some kind of Lion-O from Thundercats. Every so often, where adverts would appear on any other channel, we`re treated to a giant 3 second EastEnders E20 logo just in case we`ve forgotten what we`re watching, or it would provide distraction from reaching for a shotgun.
I`m not sure what kind of post-processing they`ve applied to the show, but it looks a little like someone has turned the brightness on the telly down to zero, smashed the screen to ensure no light escapes, then covered the telly with thick tights. Then the TV is pushed into a black hole. Perhaps regular EastEnders wasn`t gloomy enough.
In summary: park a strip-underlit Vauxhall Nova outside the house, turn the stereo up, and picture Hollyoaks narrated by The Clangers.
