I`m a bloody genius, I am. I`ve written the plot of EastEnders for the next 15 years. Enjoy.
Dup dup duppaduppadup.
The Vic changes hands.
A wedding.
Scene directed by art student. Includes music by Coldplay, faded across scenes via various radios to deliver a sense of continuity.
New character arrives.
Phil starts drinking.
The Caff changes hands.
A murder.
The Vic changes hands.
The Arches changes hands.
Someone thrown out of pub.
The return of Nasty Nick.
New character is prime suspect in murder.
Phil stops drinking.
Dinner at Fargo`s.
New character leaves.
Celebrity appearance by pop star and/or politician.
The Caff changes hands.
New family arrives.
Dinner at Fargo`s.
The Vic changes hands.
Character X opens stall.
Dinner at Fargo`s.
The Arches changes hands.
An affair.
New family in “hilarious” hi jinks.
Phil starts drinking.
Dinner at Fargo`s.
Someone thrown out of pub.
The Arches changes hands.
Character X [...]