Harry Kewell and Coldplay.. what a combination
Dear Harry Kewell,
You were a good player at Leeds, and since you`ve moved to Liverpool, you`ve been absolutely rubbish. Worry about the fact that you couldn`t lift a ball if it was nailed to your foot instead of taking better players than you`ll ever be to court. And get a haircut.
Yours,
Major Susan Quiggle III, MBE.
p.s. why not transfer to Altrincham FC – perhaps the talented Frank Sidebottom could give you some lessons
Dear Mr.Coldplay,
Well, what can I say about your new album… bland would probably be the best way to describe it. I liked Parachutes; it had a nice depressing undercurrent. A Rush Of Blood was well produced, with a couple of good songs and a lot of easy-listening pop. The new album looks cool in a sort of Radiohead “oh the future`s coming to kill us” way – but once again it`s more middle-of-the-road background music.
This is a band I can see becoming “hard rock” for the chav masses. For god`s sake – if writing songs is so boring, stop doing it.
Yours meatily,
Donald Carp
